And then it picks up body paragraph number 2 utilizing the reference exactly the same paths, says ‘what may not brighten those paths is free tutoring.’ So in place of likely to those canned transitions like, ‘on the other hand’ or ‘now i want to talk about’ it simply hits this notion this mention of these paths. Making sure that’s an extremely strong transition that is natural really strengthens the company associated with essay.
The really solid thing that this essay does is offer lots of sentence variety. That i said you could use to kind of chart your sentence variety, what I’ve done in the bonus materials for this essay is chart the sentence variety of one of the body paragraphs if you remember back to the bonus materials, there’s a sentence variety chart that I gave you. And you can see by studying the different types and also the different lengths of sentences that this really has a flow that is great there’s lots of variety there. Additionally this essay uses an advance vocabulary but it is not only advanced, it really is used appropriately. So here the example is, ‘Free tutoring does not aim at the heart associated with the problems schools that are facing a wider number of classes does by livening desire for school up to graduation.’ So we’ve just seen an advance sentence structure and an advance utilization of vocabulary very good language that is commendable. These are all the reason why why this essay earned an 11 which can be in which you like to ideally be scoring ten to 12 on the ACT writing.
Now let’s take a good look at sample essay number two.
Go right ahead and go right to the bonus materials and print it out. Again i will focus on reading the very first paragraph but it really are going to be important you to follow along for you to have a hard copy on front of. Alright, this 1 starts with ‘a problem that is major many high schools face is students failing to graduate, or dropping out before they will have the possibility. High schools across the nation have attempted countless different programs and processes to try to combat student’s failure, some proving more successful than the others. A need to learn and remain in school, something which not merely getting help may do. I think, offering a wider selection of class options would do a better job of promoting success than merely offering free tutoring because ‘interest’ promotes’ which means this one starts out quite similar to essay number one however, if you noticed this one only scored a seven. So it’s still within the half that is top a far cry through the 11 that the very first essay scored. Here we have again an extremely position that is strong knowledge of the duty. This writer says ‘offering a wider variety of class options would do a better job of promoting student success and merely offering free tutoring because the interest promotes the desire to learn and remain in school.’ Therefore we’ve got a position, we’ve got reason, further more we have the introduction of a counter argument. But you can already infer even they would have scored much higher on the essay if you haven’t read the essay from this that this writer must not do a good job of incorporating and powering up on that counter argument otherwise. So solid ‘task and position’ let us see where it falls a little bit short.
‘Complexity and development’ alright this writer says, ‘My senior school really helps many students by providing peer tutors because learning from peers is much more appealing than being re-taught by adults. ‘tutoring helps many who could be too frustrated that they are unable to understand their classes and would like to drop out.’ Now first thing I notice when I check this out may be the wording is a little bit confusing here and I also’m certainly not sure what this really is supposing because, honestly it is making tutoring sound like a truly good thing. The position statement told me that this essay would definitely be arguing for a wider selection of classes. So this may be an attempted counter argument, but where it falls short is it doesn’t completely dismiss the counter claim, the reader is left by it wondering exactly what is this person proving. To ensure’s the first place that falls short in complexity and development. The essay also says, ‘Offering many courses ensures that students will still learn, yet have a great time and become less stressed.’ Now this really is into the body that is second and this could be the first time that the writer has introduced this concept of ‘having fun and becoming less stressed’ and it’s really really unclear where that links into the position that ‘a wider assortment of classes is much better for learning.’ It focused and supportive.
Finally in organization this essay is organized simply but effectively it is type of predictable but that buy essays online is why it scores a seven and never very up on top of the scale which is during the 11. This essay says ‘In addition to more classes, having parents and teachers who worry about students’ success, offering extra-curricular programs to boost an active experience of the college, having assemblies and events to advertise school spirit and several other factors are all important in promoting success.’ Now these are really great ideas and definitely on topic, but one might expect you’ll see these ideas introduced in the introduction and then followed up on within the essay. However once you know where this paragraph arises from is the conclusion and that’s among the big no, no’s for that organization that is basic. You do not introduce new ideas in the conclusion because all it will is serve to confuse the reader. They aren’t something that you have mentioned and none of your support pertains to it. And this is just why this essay’s score is a little bit lower in organization.
‘Sentence structure and grammar.’ Alright this essay says, ‘Something that not merely getting help can do.’ This really is one of the lines that really stuck out to me in reality it’s the main position statement that is those types of sentences that readers are actually focused in on, if you are given your thesis or your role, they need that it is clear. And this wording is really type of confusing, I’m not sure what things are talking about, what the something is and it’s really just a bit that is little. So again we have kind of this awkward use of language which keeps this essay down in that mid range rather than shooting it as much as the higher range that displays a command of this language.
Alright the number of pitfalls that this essay run into you want to make sure you avoid that we already have talked about and. This essay makes ‘hasty generalizations’ the relative line, ‘only students with a desire to improve will benefit from such a program.’ That’s a big jump. To ensure that’s saying basically if they don’t whole heartedly want to be there they’re going to flat out fail if I give tutoring to everybody. And I believe that’s a leap that is really big flaw and logic. In addition gets a bit that is little, ‘The most important, though, is a student’s want to learn and to succeed;’ it just goes on and on about this. And lastly we talked relating to this ‘basic organization’ not merely do we have kind of candid transitions like ‘in addition’ to and ‘furthermore’ but we talked concerning the introduction of new ideas when you look at the conclusion which really throws your reader for a whip. So coming back to wrap all of it within the seven indicators that the readers are going to be hunting for will be your ‘understanding of the duty,’ the ‘position’ you take, the ‘complexity’ with that you talk about the issue, the ‘development’ or support you provide, the method that you organized your thinking and then how you deliver it along with your ’sentence and word choice’ as well as your ‘grammar.’
In this episode we have taken a glance at two essays, both were solid they scored within the top half but clearly we see why essay one scored an 11 while essay two scored a seven.